please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
