Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
