I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
