everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
