at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
