Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
