I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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