And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
