oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
