you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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