1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
