i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
