Life is so much better after having sex.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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