The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
