And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
