She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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