So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
