This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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