Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
