Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
