I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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