Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
