I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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