Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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