last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize