I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
