It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
