I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We named our party play list daddy issues
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
