we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
