I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
