It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
