im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
