The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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