So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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