if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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