How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
