she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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