Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I need help removing her.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
