I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
