my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
