i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize