I want to walk on stilts...naked
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
