Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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