Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
