I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
