Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
