Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
