I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
