Plan B is the new Plan A
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
