My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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