Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's like heaven, but drunker
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
