I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize