dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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