Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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