that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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