I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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