Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is Oprah even human
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
