Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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