VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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