Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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