You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
