How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
