Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
