i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
