Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize