Can i not drive my cunt home
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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