He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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