Define "chronic" masturbator.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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