Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its not stalking. its research.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
