...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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