There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
