the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
