first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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