There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
