come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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