Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
