So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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