She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
