i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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