I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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