my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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