i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
