I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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