White coat. Heels.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
