She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
