I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
