I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
