from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
