before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
