Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
