A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize