your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
