I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
