Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
