Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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