Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
FUCK WHALES
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