End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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